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he puts the penis in happiness.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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