when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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