No stitches, just platelets and will power
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
