No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
