ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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