I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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