There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
