I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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