i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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