She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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