we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
