kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
