I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
That's when you crack a 10am beer
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
