YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
