literally had 100 drinks last night.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
