just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
