my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
