the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You ruined the universe
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize