I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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