On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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