Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
