Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
