I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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