just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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