why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
