forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Someone signed my nipple.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
