I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
