Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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