no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
