dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
