I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
