the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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