He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
