I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
