so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
