i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
