I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
