New invention idea: vibrating tampons
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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