I smell stomach acid.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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