sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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