Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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