just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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