Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
