why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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