so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize