Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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