I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize