He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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