It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
