My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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