So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
