You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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