I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
