awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
