If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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