I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
