Will you blow on my dice?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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