he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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