You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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