I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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