Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
