He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
