i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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