She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
