I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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