How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
