If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
