I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
