fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
