Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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