worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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