Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My bed smells like the plague
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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