Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
