Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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