I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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