We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
