no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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