I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
