Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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