tonight lets celebrate not being married
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize