we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize