why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
