She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
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