Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
