I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
