I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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