$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
