your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
