Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
