Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
