he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
