that's an acceptable place to lick
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
you're hired as official boob wrangler
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The Olympian is in my bed
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