I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
