Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize