Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Couch. On fire.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
