trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
