You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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