The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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