i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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